I made my decision :)

I'm staying here.... from here i will flourisher like a flower... even though i'm still trying to keep my head straight.. i'm always doing things different... but i know that this is best for me... :)

I miss... everything...

I'm dramatic, i'm happy... i'm sad... i'm mad... i don't know what to feel... I don't ... i lost the one i truely cared for, i opened up for someone else i like... and now i don't know what or how to feel. whether i truly like them... I just don't know ... : /

Hurting and confused.

what who where? I don't know what the heck to think... seriously... can't flirt anymore, and i constently look around for different things, and i end up looking right back to you. Confuzzled on what the heck to do in my life right now, whether to like people, or "her". To go see her, and develop a stronger feeling for her? whether i should go back to where hell was brought on me. or stay where i seem safe for now.. I just don't know...

BWAAAAAH -randomness-

lets see, .... hmm... i email an old friend waaaaaaay back when and he still  hasn't actually seen it... kinda sad but w/e. This week has had up and downs... but overly i'm happy most of the time. Not too much to talk about only about how my PAT's are coming up quick...

A new outlook

I have a voice that people seem to lissen to... not all the time. But after the play lots of people liked it... Maybe i could use that for good? I just know my moms getting through her trama... and my feelings just get more fine focused each day. : )

Cameron

i miss... people...

Not only has my mom went into depression... but now i haven't actually seen the girl i want to ... i sung my heart out at the play... and my most hated holiday is coming up

Something that i haven't seen...

You are... special to me. And things are just great... i really like you... baby? ... i like your real name though... :)
You make me smile ... and you lissen to me... *sigh* i would really like to date you

Hahaha

It has been a little while since i have been on my blog, I forgot how to get on and yatta yatta yatta. Anyways, things at school are going good i guess, grades eh whatever. I wish i was doing better with my La. My mom is a pest but shes still loving like she wants to be. Love is always good, but it has died down from when i first started blogging. I still feel the need and want of her. She is mine, once i get back from moving. I look forward to coming back anyways :D
Thats about it, really i might go into details later.

New, And A Litlle Sappy

Well my heart is with a girl that has the same feelings about me as i do to her. She is just as crazy for me as i am for her. I found out the total truth about it so I'm happy. Their is a but in it all though, even though their is something strong between us she isn't ready to date yet. So a compirmize until then has been made. To strengthen our 'Feelings' by keeping a friendship. I still have an amazing amount of feeling for this amazing girl in my life i still think it is awesome that i know her and cherish her with my love.

I have a question for who ever reads this.... Is it right that i don't look at other girls in the same way i do for her? And is it right that i don't want to date anyone besides her?... please do share

Love? is not perfect right? why does it feel so right then? The heart warming goodness, the feelings that grow stronger for the person everyday you spend time with them... But its not perfect, because you can still get hurt...

Heart broken and lost in space of memories

My heart and head are throbbing.... i feel like shit on top of all this and i wouldn't mind just ending my life ... but I'm not stupid i need to get a grip ... shes not the only one for me .... even though it hurts right now i know i will get though it... But i wouldn't mind knowing why she hates me right now... that would be a start for now, and why her friend likes fucking with everything

thanks for lissening to my boring life
Cameron

Wedding

I always thought weddings were fun i really did i swear .... but the one i went to wasn't exiting i know that for a fact. sorry totally random

Passion

I have a free spirit. I can do what i want ... is it bad? I'm putting myself out there ... and the world has many secrets that i do not know and will find..... and then on top of it all we have Religons ... i love being Wiccan it's different and its cool

Overwhelming

"Ever love some buddy so much you can barley breath when your with um you don't even know what you, go that warm fuzzy feeling?"-Eminem-love the way you lie- its so true... i cant stop thinking about her .... and tonight ... i had an awesome time talking to her .... just reinstating my feelings about her ... i don't believe i lost her ... never again ... will i love someone as intent fully as i have to her.

A Proven Point

I never thought i would do such a thing .... i was so close .... and i lost it .. and now she has forgiven me ... its almost to good to be true ... but i still need to wait ... patience is key.

Friendships

i love friends they are always there for you and always will be. But when a stupid fight brake you up... no matter how stupid it seems ... if your true friends then make up .... if you lose your friendship over something stupid ... its NOT worth it.

Helping With Break

So my one friend is going through the same thing i went though and i tried to help. I ended up just stop talking about it but still i know how it feels so if she ever needs to talk i hope she knows i am here for her always. Come to think of it i have told her that once but i don't think she believes me hmmmm .... well thats all i got for now

Hurting Broken Sadness

Ever since the divorce i haven't had that barrier to stop me from going to do my dreams. By barrier i meant my step dad. I loved school; sports; working out; i love singing; dancing and expressing my feelings to people. I love to express my feelings the most in a relationship. I am going off topic.... After all this has happened i have unleashed a new Cameron on the world. he is very different from the old one that was brought into the world. I am not saying he was bad but see he was never the one that i wanted to be, and now i feel amazing because i can unleash my true emotions on the world.

But another side effect from the divorce is my mom is definitely different.... its almost like shes is a new person that i have never met with the same body. It really scares me but at the same time i am doing it too. So is it wrong for her to do it as well? After all this to get used to i still have the scary thought of going back to see her and my brother because i don't want to be stuck in the same city as my step dad. I do miss my friends and i have very close friends out there. But i also have good friends out here as well and love as well. "So what do i do " has run across my mind about a million times today and i still do not have an answer for it.

The Perfict Rose

This school year has been really .... interesting .... i fell in love, hurt people that like me, and i still don't know all the people that like me. But this girl i met is amazing i am really falling hard for her, and yet when i am with her i just cant stop thinking about her. Sometimes i even get nervous and bit my lip, the other day i found out that she was in love with this guy. Even though she she " loves him" i can't help but wonder if he is going to hurt her or not. The thought has run across my mind many a time, and people say "just wait" but its hard when your in love.

Love can be the best thing and when its broken it can hurt as well. Then the painful words of  "lets just be friends" come and even though you don't want to believe it you say alright.  Years later something might happen and then you could come back with stronger feelings in the end. But at the moment if your hurting and want love; it is one of the strongest feelings that hurt you or give you strength. Always wanting it to turn out; not always working the way you planed. Sooner or later life will respect you wish and give you it. That thing you have craved all your life.